OBSERVATION: When does it become judgemental?
I think my job is to observe people and the world and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.
Haruki Murakami
According to that inestimable source, the Oxford Dictionary, ‘Observation’ is, ’the ability to notice things, especially significant detail.’ Clearly a valuable gift and one that’s essential to every human being. From improvised explosive devices to that teenage girl just stepping on to the pedestrian crossing, without observation we are, frankly, in big trouble.
Moreover, observation is generally regarded as the basis of good science so absolutely no brownie points for considering it’s anything other than a blessing without disguise. But here’s the tricky part. Observation can often morph into something a little less agreeable, namely the not-entirely-charming trait of being ‘judgemental.’ This characteristic, which we all display from time to time in greater or lesser degree - and with greater or lesser wit, charm and prejudice - is defined by the OU as ‘having or displaying an overly critical point of view.’
Naturally, we all notice something about our fellow human beings – their appearance, their mannerisms, their voice. Or the things they're saying. None of us can avoid this, as far as I know! Unless, of course, we’re totally oblivious to the world around us – which we all agree would be A Bad Thing.
Generally speaking, we tend to notice what is exceptionally beautiful or pertinent to see or hear or, alas, the total opposite. I freely confess, for example, I'm never particularly aware of people's teeth, unless they're as flashy as Simon Cowell's or seriously missing or damaged. But of course if you're a dentist, that's probably your primary point of observation, even outside the dental chair! I'll also admit that if I find someone's voice, for whatever reason, grates on me, I'll try to mute the sound.
The worst bit of all this is to find myself commenting on some negative aspect of my fellow human beings. Or not much better, really, doing it in silent thought. Hands up who's never done such things! 'Oh my, I never realised she had a really big nose,' or 'why on earth does he wear trainers with a suit' or 'surely that child should be in bed by now.' It's the kind of stuff where we suppose that, in some way errors or omissions are being made by others.
But of course, all the above is merely my opinion. Or yours. Or your neighbours. It's not hard, fast, absolutely and completely incontrovertible truth.
It’s bit of a truism to suggest that we criticise most harshly in others those traits or elements which we dislike in ourselves. So if we’re going to be critical, we’re better off taking a constructive look at ourselves, constructive being the key word. Otherwise the whole business is just grim and we finish by beating ourselves up to absolutely no avail. The writer A. R. Orage said, 'The observation of others is coloured by our inability to observe ourselves impartially. We can never be impartial about anything until we can be impartial about our own organism.'
Personally, every time I tread down the well-worn path commenting, shall we say with an 'overly critical view', on some aspect of physical being or emotional behaviour or strongly expressed views which don't conform to mine, it doesn't bring me much joy. In fact, quite the opposite.
Slowly, slowly - and maybe this is a benefit of age - I've been learning to put a cap on my judgements. Of course, one can't help noticing if someone's nose does appear disproportional to their face, or certain suits don't on the whole work well with running shoes or that it's half past eleven and children are usually in bed at that time.
It's grand if observation brings about a good feeling, but it certainly isn't desirable if it brings about a cascade of negative emotion. Nowadays, if my observations don't make me feel good, I try and remember to ask myself why. I think the post-observation-knack is to remain objective, stay cool and look kindly upon ourselves. Then it's a whole lot easier to look tolerantly upon everyone else. Just simply being alive and on this planet right now, connects us to everyone and everything! For better or for worse.
In my understanding, observation without ‘Drawing any conclusions' isn't just liberating. It's absolutely non-injurious to one’s health – or anybody else’s, come to that.