KINSHIP: Is blood truly thicker than water?

Woven into our lives is the very fire from the stars and genes from the sea creatures, and everyone, utterly everyone, is kin in the radiant tapestry of being.

Elizabeth A Johnson

The word ‘Kinship’ has always appealed to me.  It’s inclusive.  It echoes with a sense of warmth. An all-embracing concept that hints, perhaps, at something more enduring than family ties and deeper than friendship.  The threads of kinship can be extended beyond the proscribed edges of our understanding to the animal kingdom, to nature and indeed to every living creature.  Nothing need be left out – though in all honesty, one  might be tempted to exclude mosquitoes!

Maybe it’s because of my personal notion of kinship that I’ve always found the expression, ‘Blood is thicker than water’ puzzling.  Even to the unscientific mind blood is denser than water and thus weighs more – but does it really apply so rigorously to family relationships?  The expression is commonly used to define a more profound connection with one’s blood relatives than with anyone – or anything – else.  And does that notion really help to create peace and understanding in these days of extended family?

I did a bit of ‘Googling’ around this curious phrase and I discovered, like much of life itself,  it’s not entirely what it seems! My quest threw up the suggestion that it’s quite likely the common understanding of the proverb is predicated on error.  The essential meaning, it would seem, predates the birth of Christ.  It probably originated when  tribal leaders swore allegiance to one another through the blood-letting of a sacrificial animal.   This was considered a covenant.  When this blood was shed it was indeed thicker than the waters of the womb.  The water, in this instance, being the amniotic fluid in which the developing foetus is held and protected.  So effectively, the two leaders were saying to one another that the bond or the blood covenant  forged between them was more important than the relationship with their brother, even though they may have shared a womb with their sibling. In short, a very tribal concept.

Nowadays, the expression is sometimes used to infer that in a tight spot, forget friends, acquaintances, and neighbours and look to your family. They’re going to be the ones who will  hold your hand when you’re sick, bail you out when the cash machine refuses your request and  rush to your aid when the car breaks down  at 3 a.m. on the M25.  In short, ‘Blood relations’ are the ones you should count on to drop everything whenever you call, whisper or shout for help.

This is not always the case!  Without cynicism or judgement, sheer common sense dictates there are a hundred reasons, if not a thousand, in any of the situations above, or indeed a great many more, why your family may not be able to help you. Apart from anything else, we’re often separated by miles of  highways, oceans, and air, so a speedy helping hand is a complete impossibility, no matter how much love, goodwill and familial desire to help there might be.

But quite apart from the impossibility of family members always being able to come to one another’s rescue, the very expectancy that such a thing should be perceived as the norm can prove a tad challenging.  It’s a sad fact – and no one would deny this – that relationships within families can be fraught with argument, jealousy and distrust.  The expectation drawn from the concept that ‘Blood is thicker than water’ can place a heavy burden of guilt on individuals who, despite their best efforts, don’t feel their mother, father, siblings, cousins, uncles or aunts to be as close to them as someone apparently unrelated by blood.

Nowadays, we truly need to  extend our ideas of ‘Kin’ beyond borders. It’s not just the Polish cleaning lady who volunteers to sit up all night with an ageing neighbour.  It might be the comfort of a companion animal, a loyal dog or a very affectionate cat that puts a  whole new understanding on the importance of kinship.  Or maybe for some it’s even a favourite tree to lean against.  Certainly, whenever any of us comes upon a ‘Kindred spirit’ we often have a frisson of recognition that transcends the ordinary levels of meeting and greeting.  Consider for example ‘Love at first sight!’

None of this denies the importance of family love, loyalty and  understanding.  But rather now, at this time and in this twenty-first century, we need more than ever  to extend that love and understanding to true kinship – with all life.  It maybe that before many not-so-distant moons, it will become clear that  each of us is connected to one another in ways that go far beyond the womb.